Mad Baggins
by Meriboat Brandyondarocks
Summary: How to discourage your children from going on adventures.


Mad Baggins  
  
Meriboat Brandiondarocks and Sara V.  
  
Disclaimer: We own none of these characters (not even the children). J.R.R. Tolkien owns them and their respective families.  
  
Authors' Note: This takes place many years after LOTR Faramir is Peregrin's (Pippin's) son and all the others are Sam's children.  
  
This is our first LOTR fic so please R&R.  
  
Anyway without any further ado here is "Mad Baggins"  
  
Peregrin Took sat down in his chair by the fire. He had had a very long day and was hoping to be able to relax. Unfortunately that was not to be for at that particular moment five little hobbit children had other plans. As soon as he sat down five children came out of the bathroom after their baths. It all began with Faramir staging a fight involving he and Frodo using Peregrine's brand new walking sticks and then there was a siege around his chair worse than the siege of Minas Tirith. The siege ended with Faramir standing on Peregrine's shoulders and Frodo trying to hit him with the stick. Merry, Pippin and Bilbo just stood there with walking sticks (which were supposed to be swords) watching the battle between Frodo and Faramir.  
  
Peregrin lost his calm when Frodo hit him in the nose and the recoil caused Faramir to land on the ground.  
  
"OKAY! ALL OF YOU SETTLE DOWN!" He said. The children looked quite surprised that he was there.  
  
"We were just playing." Frodo said. The other hobbit children nodded in agreement.  
  
"And I was about to win the battle too!" Faramir piped up.  
  
Peregrin just looked at the children and came to the conclusion that if he wanted his son and Sam's children to stay away from any travels such as the one that he, Meriadoc and Sam went on he must put a stop to these "Adventures".  
  
"Come and sit down here and I'll tell you a story." The children listened and sat down in front of Peregrin because they loved to hear his stories. "Now have I told you the story of `Mad Baggins of Bag End'?"  
  
"No" the children answered.  
  
"Oh I see well I'm going to tell you that story now. Let me see how does it go. Ah here it is:  
  
Once there was a hobbit that was quite average. He never did anything out of the ordinary and was well respected. Until one day, he disappeared. Everyone thought he was dead for a long time. Then one day he returned and it wasn't long before everyone realized that his adventures had driven him MAD.   
  
"That's not what my Gaffer tells me!" Frodo said.  
  
"Well I didn't ask what your Gaffer told you, did I?" Peregrin said.  
  
"No." replied Frodo, in a small voice.  
  
"Anyway, back to the story:" Glare in the direction of Frodo.  
  
"He returned to the Shire with many bags of gold but only at the expense of his sanity. He told many stories about his imaginary adventures and claimed he had battled goblins, been captured by elves and battled a dragon to the death.   
  
He had the ability to disappear and reappear at will. He even managed to corrupt another member of the Baggins family. The poor child had lost his parents in a boating accident (see what boating does to you) and was adopted by Mad Baggins. The poor child never had a hope.  
  
As the years passed people began to notice that Mad Baggins wasn't getting any older. At first they referred to him as well preserved. Then they used the excuse that he had descended from the Old Took. But the truth is that he made a deal with an evil power called Gollum. The evil creature gave him the ability to turn invisible at will and also stopped his aging but it came with a price:  
  
Peregrin paused, which drove the little hobbits crazy with suspense.  
  
"What happened next?" Faramir asked anxiously.  
  
"I'm getting ready to tell you that:  
  
On Mad Baggins' Eleventy-First birthday in the middle of his party he disappeared in a puff of smoke and was never seen or heard from again.   
  
His poor nephew caught Mad Baggins' madness and he went on an adventure himself.  
  
"And that my little audience is why we never go on adventures. They only bring on madness." Peregrin concluded. "And now it is time for little hobbits, such as you, to go to bed".  
  
That statement was met by a chorus of "Aw do we have to" and concluded by yawns from all the children.  
  
"Yes. You do." Peregrin replied "Now off to bed."  
  
*********  
  
After all the children had gone to bed and he had the silence that he had wanted all evening he thought about the story he had told and chuckled to himself. I wonder what Sam, Merry, Frodo and Bilbo would say to that story.   
  
Peregrin stared out into the dark night that had wrapped its arms around the Shire and he thought about that journey that they had all taken into the darkness many years before. Well at least I hope I can convince them not to go on adventures. 


End file.
